Why do men struggle with fatherhood?

Last Updated: November 25, 2025 | Reading Time: 11 minutes

Fatherhood transforms a man's life in ways few experiences can match. While society celebrates the joy of becoming a dad, the challenges fathers face often remain unspoken. From the tradesman working 50-hour weeks to the shift worker balancing night schedules with diaper changes, modern fathers navigate pressures their own dads never faced.

The transition to fatherhood isn't just about learning to change diapers or soothe a crying baby. It's a fundamental shift in identity, priorities, and daily life. According to research published in JBI Database of Systematic Reviews, three main factors affect first-time fathers' mental health during this transition: the formation of fatherhood identity, competing challenges of the new role, and negative feelings and fears relating to it.

Understanding why men struggle with fatherhood isn't about making excuses. It's about recognizing real challenges so fathers can address them head-on and be the dads their families need.

The Fatherhood Identity Crisis

From Self-Focus to Family Perspective

The moment a man becomes a father, his entire worldview shifts. What used to matter suddenly feels trivial. That fishing trip with buddies? Now it's measured against time away from your kid. That career advancement? It competes with being present for bath time.

Research from a Norwegian qualitative study found three main themes in fathers' emotional transitions: moving from self-focus to family perspective, experiencing emotional vulnerability, and progressing from insecurity to self-assurance. This process doesn't happen overnight. It's gradual, often uncomfortable, and rarely discussed among men.

Common identity struggles fathers face:

• Loss of personal time and independence
• Questioning what defines their masculinity
• Feeling unprepared for the emotional demands
• Wrestling with the "good father" versus "good provider" balance
• Missing the spontaneity and freedom of pre-fatherhood life

The "Depleted Dad" Phenomenon

Men face a unique challenge called "Depleted Dad Syndrome." You're expected to be emotionally available while maintaining the traditional breadwinner role. This dual pressure creates chronic fatigue and decreased motivation, particularly when society assumes mothers carry the bulk of parenting duties.

The result? Many fathers feel invisible in their own families, struggling to find their place while exhausted from trying to do it all. This exhaustion isn't just mental, it's physical. Similar to parenting fatigue, the energy depletion fathers experience goes beyond normal tiredness.

Work-Life Balance Pressures

The 50% Who Find It Difficult

Here's a stat that hits hard: 50% of working dads find it very or somewhat difficult to balance responsibilities at work and home. That's not a small minority struggling on the margins. That's half of all working fathers feeling the squeeze.

The challenges multiply fast:

• Sleep deprivation: Both parents lose sleep, but fathers often get hit twice—disrupted nights plus demanding day jobs requiring mental or physical sharpness
• Reduced couple time: Partners don't have the connection time they had before, creating relationship strain
• Missing critical moments: Fathers worried about missing out on moments with their child due to work demands, creating guilt and frustration
• Limited paternity leave: Most worksites offer little to no paid leave, forcing financial decisions that impact family bonding
• Career fears: In the US, 73% of fathers agreed there was little workplace support for fathers, and one in five worried about losing their job if they took full paternity leave

The Breadwinner Expectation

Despite changing gender roles, society still largely expects fathers to be primary financial providers. Research shows men generally increase work hours post-delivery, partly to meet growing family economic needs and to fulfill traditional breadwinner social roles.

This creates a brutal paradox: work more to provide for your family, but miss the actual family moments in the process. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

According to a UK study on paternal leave entitlement, fathers expressed frustration over paternity leave being too short. One participant captured it perfectly: "Two weeks just isn't enough at all. My wife absolutely struggled, and I just think we needed a bit longer. And for me to bond with my son, I needed longer than two weeks."

Paternal Depression and Mental Health

The Silent Pandemic

Paternal depression has been called "the silent pandemic" for good reason. While maternal postpartum depression gets attention and screening, fathers' mental health flies under the radar.

The numbers are sobering:

• National studies show clinical paternal depression rates of 5-10%
• A meta-analysis found peak incidence of 25.6% in fathers between 3-6 months postpartum
• Depression rates vary by country from 4% to 13% during the perinatal period
• First-time fathers show 4.8% depression during pregnancy, jumping to 23.8% at 12 months postnatal in some studies
• Resident fathers experience a 68% increase in depressive symptom scores through their child's first five years

How Paternal Depression Looks Different

Men don't experience or express depression the same way women often do. The clinical presentation can be varied and easy to miss:

• Unwarranted anger outbursts rather than sadness
• Marked irritability and short temper
• Impulsivity and risk-taking behavior
• Avoidance and social isolation from loved ones
• Emotional rigidity and inability to express feelings
• Resorting to substance use as a coping mechanism
• Working longer hours to escape home stress

Because men are often considered less expressive about feelings, they're likely to score lower in self-report questionnaires even when experiencing significant depression. This makes father depression harder to diagnose and easier to overlook.

Risk Factors for Paternal Depression

Research identifies several key risk factors that increase vulnerability to depression during fatherhood:

• Partner's mental health: Maternal depression is the most significant predictor of paternal depression
• Poor relationship quality: Inadequate support and conflict with partner
• Prior history: Previous severe depression or mental health issues
• Financial stress: Economic pressures and job insecurity
• Young age: Younger fathers and first-time fathers face higher risks
• Lack of social support: Isolation and absence of peer networks
• Unplanned pregnancy: Fathers who didn't want the pregnancy show higher depression scores

Conflicting Masculine Ideals

"We Blokes Are Rubbish at Talking"

This quote from a UK father captures a massive barrier fathers face. Men emphasize that fathers are often unwilling to confide in each other about mental health and emotional concerns. The pressure of masculine ideals and societal stereotypes makes men avoid deep conversations, presuming they won't be helpful.

Modern fatherhood creates a unique tension. Society expects men to be more involved dads while simultaneously pressuring them to conform to traditional notions of masculinity. For many men, their identity and sense of masculinity is heavily influenced by employment, career, and associated income. Being a hands-on caregiver can feel like it conflicts with these deeply ingrained values.

The Honor Code Dilemma

Research on masculine honor ideals reveals that men who strongly endorse traditional masculine values attribute less positive emotions (like pride and satisfaction) and more negative emotions (like shame and resentment) to primary caregiver fathers compared to breadwinner fathers.

This creates internal conflict for fathers who want to be involved but fear judgment from other men or feel they're not living up to masculine standards. The result? Many fathers hide flexible work arrangements or downplay their caregiving involvement to maintain their masculine reputation in work settings.

A 2024 scoping review found that fathers felt pressured by masculine ideals to battle mental health concerns alone rather than seeking support: "I try to battle it myself" was a common theme capturing this masculine ideal.

Breaking the Silence

For fathers to thrive, we need to acknowledge that asking for help isn't weakness. Being emotionally available to your kids doesn't make you less of a man. Working flexible hours to be at your kid's game doesn't damage your career—though workplace cultures often make it feel that way.

The tide is slowly changing. More men are challenging these norms, prioritizing fatherhood alongside their careers, and creating peer support networks where honest conversations about struggles are welcomed rather than shunned.

Lack of Support Systems for Fathers

The "Forgotten Entity" in Perinatal Care

Fathers consistently report feeling like a forgotten entity within the perinatal healthcare experience. The entire system, from nomenclature ("maternal-child health care") to practice (lack of acknowledgment during visits), sends a clear message: mothers matter more.

This exclusion has real consequences:

• Fathers lack tailored information resources specific to their needs
• Healthcare professionals rarely acknowledge fathers during prenatal visits and delivery
• Antenatal programs focus almost exclusively on mothers
• Mental health screening rarely includes fathers
• Support groups and resources are overwhelmingly mother-focused

According to UK research on first-time fathers, men wanted more guidance and support around preparation for fatherhood and partner relationship changes. Barriers to accessing support included lack of tailored information and acknowledgment from health professionals.

Where Can Fathers Turn?

The support gap creates a vacuum. Without formal resources, fathers often turn to:

• Family members: Asking parents to step in and assist, though this can create dependence
• Avoidance mechanisms: Working longer hours, excessive drinking, substance use to cope
• Emotional distancing: Detaching from children to avoid feelings of inadequacy
• Online forums: Anonymous spaces where fathers can discuss struggles without judgment
• Informal peer networks: Other dads who "get it" and share strategies

The healthiest coping comes from fathers who build genuine support networks and aren't afraid to be vulnerable with trusted friends or partners.

Comparison: Challenges Across Fatherhood Stages

Physical and Energy Impacts on Fathers

The Energy Crisis

Mental and emotional struggles are only part of the picture. Fathers face real physical challenges that compound their difficulties. Sleep deprivation hits fathers particularly hard when they're expected to maintain full work performance while managing nighttime parenting duties.

The physical toll manifests as:

• Chronic fatigue that doesn't improve with occasional rest
• Decreased motivation and energy for physical activity
• Reduced mental clarity and decision-making ability
• Increased risk of workplace accidents (36% higher for fatigued fathers)
• Weakened immune function from sustained stress
• Weight gain or loss due to disrupted routines

Why Traditional Energy Solutions Fall Short

Many fathers turn to coffee, energy drinks, or simply pushing through exhaustion. These band-aid solutions create crashes and dependency without addressing the root cause. Fathers need sustained energy that supports both mental clarity and physical stamina throughout demanding days.

Research shows specific nutrients can support fathers facing energy depletion. Father Fuel was formulated specifically for this challenge, combining 300mg Siberian Ginseng for stress resilience with 70mg L-theanine paired with 140mg natural caffeine to provide clean energy without jitters. The formula includes 15mg CoQ10 for cellular energy production and B vitamins (10mg B6, 10mcg B12) to support metabolism during this demanding life stage.

Unlike energy drinks loaded with sugar and artificial ingredients, targeted nutritional support helps fathers maintain the sustained vitality needed to be present both at work and at home.

Solutions and Support Strategies

What Actually Helps Struggling Fathers

Based on research and real father experiences, here's what makes a difference:

1. Open communication with partners

Honest conversations about work commitments, family responsibilities, and emotional needs create collaborative decision-making rather than silent resentment.

2. Setting realistic expectations

You can't do everything perfectly. Setting achievable benchmarks aligned with your actual capabilities reduces guilt and creates sustainable patterns.

3. Building genuine support networks

Find other dads who understand the struggle. Peer support provides validation, practical advice, and the knowledge you're not alone.

4. Taking paternity leave seriously

Fathers who take longer paternity leave report more personal benefits, better mental health, and stronger bonds with children. Don't let workplace pressure rob you of this critical time.

5. Seeking professional help when needed

Depression isn't weakness. If you're experiencing persistent low mood, irritability, substance use, or thoughts of harm, talk to a healthcare provider.

6. Physical health fundamentals

Sleep when possible, eat reasonably well, move your body, and consider nutritional support designed for demanding life stages.

7. Maintaining couple connection

Protect time with your partner, even 15 minutes of connection daily. Your relationship is the foundation supporting everything else.

Workplace and Policy Changes Needed

Individual strategies help, but systemic change matters too. Fathers need:

• Adequate paid paternity leave (weeks, not days)
• Workplace cultures that support flexible arrangements for fathers
• Healthcare systems that screen and support paternal mental health
• Parenting education and resources designed for fathers
• Elimination of career penalties for fathers who prioritize family time

Frequently Asked Questions

Key Takeaways

The Bottom Line

Men struggle with fatherhood not because they're weak or unprepared, but because the transition brings legitimate challenges that society largely ignores. From the tradesman working 60-hour weeks to the young dad navigating his first year of fatherhood, the pressures are real and substantial.

The identity shift, work-life conflicts, mental health impacts, conflicting masculine ideals, and lack of support systems create a perfect storm. Add physical exhaustion and limited resources, and you have fathers struggling in silence while trying to be everything to everyone.

But here's the truth that matters: acknowledging these struggles isn't making excuses. It's the first step toward addressing them. Fathers who recognize these challenges, seek support, communicate openly, and prioritize their mental and physical health are better equipped to be the dads their families need.

The goal isn't perfection. It's showing up consistently, being present when you're there, asking for help when you need it, and giving yourself grace for the inevitable mistakes. Whether it's building peer networks, seeking professional support, addressing energy depletion with proper nutrition, or advocating for workplace changes, every step forward counts.

Fatherhood will always be demanding. But with the right support, resources, and mindset, fathers can thrive rather than just survive. Your struggles are valid. Your mental health matters. And being a great dad doesn't mean doing it all alone.